Monday, May 14, 2012


Dear fellow equine enthusiasts,

                                                     I. Am. Speechless.

       I have just recently made friends with a girl in my study group who, as I happily discovered, owns horses. I was so happy to finally have a horsey friend that I can see on an everyday basis. She boards her horses at a self care barn just across the street from my favorite tack shop. Every time I drive by I think "What a lovely place." It is one of those quaint farms that are just so.... artistic. Upon meeting this girl she proceeds to tell me that she is retraining her two western paint horses to do eventing. So of course I am thinking "YES! Finally somebody I can have REAL horsey conversations with! Wa-hooo!"
    But no. She then proceeds to tell me that one of the horses wouldn't stay on the rail when she pulled on the outside rein and she couldn't figure out how to fix this. Here is our conversation (thoughts in red) I would like to point out that at first I gave her the benefit of the doubt:

Me: WTF! And you are training this horse? You madame, need the help of a professional coach. So, do you have a trainer or a coach that can help? 

Her: No, I do everything on my own. I started to ride a year ago and quit lessons about eight months ago. I don't need a trainer I watch Clinton Anderson videos and do Parreli.

Me: What... why... how... when... um... Do you need any help um... exercising your horses. I hate to be a know-it-all but maybe I can squeeze in a few helpful tips on the side. She has no business training horses. Either her, her horses, or somebody else is going to get hurt.

Her: No, it is OK they only get ridden 1-3 times a week anyway.

Me: Oh, they must be young and you don't want to stress them out, riiiight, okay I get it now. So, how old are they?

Her: 2 and 1 and 1/2.

Me: It probably isn't the best idea to be riding them that young.

Her: It is OK. They already have plenty of training in them.

Me: Just walk away before somebody gets hurt. Oh well if you ever need any help you have my number.

Her: Actually, since I want to go to Rolex as soon as possible would you mind teaching me cross country?

Me: Um.... maybe that's not the best idea. You would need a professional coach. And maybe a psychologist! 

      On another particular occasion when doodling occurred and she drew a horse with cloven hooves (she is an AMAZING ARTIST!):

Me: Oh, that's cool is it some sort of unicorn type horse?

Her: No, just a normal one.

Me: Dafuq! Horses hooves are one piece...

Her: No, stupid! Some can have cloven hooves it just depends on the farrier's specifications.

Me: What kind of farrier are you dealing with? *insert questioning look here*

      A very good (and attractive ;D) guy rider that I am friends with said the most... well dumb thing I have heard this weekend, I don't know how he survived pony club. We went to a XC schooling and my horse was sweating and breathing hard. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: Oh, she needs to be cooled down I will be right back.

Him: Give her a big bucket of cold water right now, that will help her out.

(please tell me somebody gets this)
      No joke. These were things that were actually said to me. Why people. WHYYYYY! Please explain to me why, in a world in which Google exists, do we not have any knowledge of the horse what so ever! Ugh. Please. I don't want to sound snooty, but really guys (especially the first girl I told you about) how can we not know basic horse management! This is a reason why certain people should NOT be around horses. Or they should at the very least do some research.
     As far as the "trainer" girl goes I really have no words to describe her. We are no longer friends because of an argument over why a picture I saw over her riding in shorts, flip-flops, and a baseball cap was dangerous. She. Was. Jumping.

     People with thick skulls (myself included) really puzzle me. The ones that have no knowledge of horses really get to me (cloven hooves?). They have the nerve to give right minded horse-people advice, but no sense to take advice from people that know what they are doing.

     Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention. That girl? The "trainer"? Yes, I asked her how she found the time between work and school to take care of her horses and do you know what she told me? "Oh, I only clean their stalls out every three days. It is basically the same concept as a hamster cage."


     I feel that this is a perfect time (given the_____ of these two people I have discussed) to present to all of my readers a brand new land that I have discovered. Ignorantopia! Here lives the utterly and hopelessly clueless:

Whenever I feel as though this is the birth place of the subject I am discussing, this lovely new map will be presented. Enjoy!

Yours Truly,
The Posting Trot

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